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Scott K Smith

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Journey Journal: A little round up... Part 1


Healer. Artist. Intuitive.

Journey Journal: A little round up... Part 1

Scott K

Looking out the window from the new studio
Looking out the window from the new studio

I have had a busy and transformative couple of weeks here at home base. I've completed (mostly except for minor details) my studio space at home for art, healing and readings. Moving, clearing, cleaning and packing... unpacking, painting, designing and hurting my wobbly knee. Two weeks later and I'm up in the morning again, building out my daily practice. I realize that an interruption in the routine can be creative, getting me to change up habits and form new ideas, new ways of doing things, but change in its creative disruption also calls discipline back to the front of the line.

To quote Stephanie Syd, "Meditation is a practice, but it's also a discipline." I think that's true of living, in fact I'll call in some words for this roundup of posts, a summation:

Practice. Discipline. Disruption. Exploration. Discovery. Sacred. Innovation. Practice. Discipline. 

“And some,” I said, “come back wielding light against that darkness. Seeing nothing, we bring back fire, we light lamps, candles, torches. We hold light that isn’t ours, as how else would anyone else see?” -- Rhyd Wildermuth, We See the Darkness

I'm a mixed bag of feelings this morning as I put together this roundup. I'm honestly following myself home with this one as I do not know where I 'm led. If you are any other person than myself and you are reading this, know that this was almost a complete and unpublished journal entry but something really wanted to wiggle out of  me.

I think it's about life, and the people in it around me, and that intersection cliff's edge I feel we have already tumbled over; and what that means.

Practice is the art of doing. 

“I liken a life without daily spiritual practice to a house built on sand.” ― T. Thorn Coyle, Crafting A Daily Practice

I can stumble out of bed, guzzle liquids, force foods, smash hair to head and throw on crumpled clothes like I did in my 20's and charge into life head first but I'm not 20 anymore. My mind changed, that frontal lobe development finally happened and it, along with a powerful Saturn Return, kicked my ass shifted my whole perspective on living. Living isn't surviving in a system that demands more money, and climbing over others to make said money. 

That's insanity. I think it can make me crazy. I think it's making other people go all wobbly too, needing to make exception for breathing, feeling, thinking--the thing we need the most--because we're too busy being gloriously busy, and trying to impress the world with exhausted-importance. We're moving so fast we don't see the stop sign. Our heads are in our phones. The sea lions held up a sign that read, "you're killing us," and we kept on going.

What am I doing and does it feel good? If it doesn't why am I still doing it? What am I doing it for? What are my excuses; What are my reasons for not stopping slowly, weaning away from said insanity?

Discipline isn't supposed to be fun...

... but it can be fulfilling, and joy from feeling purpose, supported in the natural system, and productive from living life poetically can radically transform you. I have to dare to open that hidden place where all the good things lie and explore that space with discipline to make it work.

“I believe that the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity is daring to dare.” ― Maya Angelou

A lot of my internal dialogue has been around the word pleasure. I mentioned it to a friend last week, and it [pleasure] fed back to me as some kind of vice, and it's [that idea of pleasure as a vice] vs pleasure as fulfilment that I have to psychically highlight. I hope you like pink highlighter. My thought has been that pleasure for the sensual [gratification] in a chemically addicted, money driven, divorced-from-nature posture, is the vice. I'm freely in that society because I was born into it. I have my own addictions, some I probably cannot see, and they are part of what I do, and part of what I work to unravel. Welcome to the karma of living.

Pleasure for what can really be called up through the senses, by finding higher self (or soul-calling, or God, or nature, or sense of connection...) is the thing I'm seeking. The goal. The part that was missing for so long, the thing I've pieced together.

"My ego is the sword in the blacksmith's fire, Being heated and hammered by Spirit's desire. As soon as I fathom where my truth lies, Like the phoenix from the ashes I know I shall rise.

Well, I didn't even get to the Sabian Symbol for the 3/4 Moon in Aquarius this week: "A disappointed and disillusioned woman courageously faces a seemingly empty life." This symbol represents the human capacity to learn and grow through emotional crisis, AND, as Dane Rudhyar states: "But like any other faculty it needs development." Yikes! I know it doesn't sound too appealing, but coupled with ol' Saturn in Sag (for like the next 3 years!) we're in for a time of truth-telling and finding that will put humanity on a solid foundation to really build a New Paradigm."

-- Kayapacha Report, May 5, 2015

Disruption. Exploration. Discovery

What do I have to disrupt to create change? Is the change I am creating just a shuffle of the cogs and wheels of the machine, or I am I digging out of the metal-whiz-bang of this contraption and connecting with nature again? How do I address this? What do I uncover?

A seer cannot be afraid to see, power is in the vision. Crossing a hedge (magickally speaking) isn't always trip through fluffy clouds and cute furry animals because nature is fierce and ancient, the challenge is to myself, to dare to know that ancient nature. To know, or at least in seeking to know, I am walking with my head pointed in the right direction.

Sometimes the way is unclear. Sometimes life and I set up situations, karmas that lay like crocodiles along the path waiting to snap. Karma is not seen, it is Realized. If I were to consider this point of my musings as a point in the process--and frankly I'm on the fence about that because process sounds so mechanical--I'd call it the point of disruption that opens up a dialogue with myself and the world again through exploration and discovery.

If I ignore what is beneath the surface of the persona I put forth in society; if I ignore the pain that seeks mending; if I continue to throw myself further over the edge; I must admit that I am waiting for the balance to tip and plunge me into the changes that I am refusing to make for myself, my nature, and ultimately the world around me.

"If we ignore the local spirits, we cut ourselves off from the ground we walk on and the life that shares this space with us.  If we ignore our ancestors, we cut ourselves off from our roots and from our most readily available support.  If we ignore the Gods, we lose our connection to the source of our inspiration and sustenance.

If we ignore our spiritual work, we lose our power."

-- John Becket, Walking Between Worlds on Patheos Pagan

Disruption is a beautiful bolt of light through the crack in the facade, tearing down the wall and revealing the lush nature within me. Again I don't mean lush as pretty, like I don't mean pleasure as gratification. Mulch is lush, dirt lush. Dark is lush with hidden potential.

I can wield that light like a Witch and invite the healing or revelation and make power from creating connections in consciousness. I can run from the darkness but I know this, shadow is always at the heels of the pursued. I cannot run from what is within me. I can decide when it's time to change. I can ask for help. I can begin to find the way.

I have some more thoughts on innovation, disruption, change and practice but I'm banking those for the journal, for now. I intend to continue this exploration in word, art, or all of the above. Suffice to say that as I finished this bit of writing my studio has become a little hub of activity, our home is transformed, so much is the same, and so much is different. It was the things that caused so much disruption in my life that led me to what I could do creatively. The creative process is a struggle. So is life. I feel like the practice of living, of my craft, is a discipline. I think I'm inviting you to look at life, living, and your work, in the same lighting.

Be the change.

Scott K Healer. Intuitive. Artist

© 2015, Scott K Smith. All rights reserved.