I've had a few days in and out of the writing. And then there was a week, mostly out of it for no other reason than I think the tires on this vehicle were not quite inflated. The thing about starting a project like this, and it's a scary thing, is that the beginnings parts balk at some of the ideas (or fears) I have about productivity, that because I'm reading a stack of books and taking notes and immediately have nothing to show for it, I am not contributing. But the deeper I get into my study, the more I seem to tease out of the contemplation. Things like the Subtle Goddess came out of the Temple of Witchcraft, Wheel of the Year class, and a relationship to the subtle body. And from On Writing, dear mister Stephen King, I get so much from your relationships. There is something in the way he sticks to his guns with words like, "Keep it simple."
"The truth uncoils within you like a great serpent, acknowledge its movement, do not try to repress its stirrings."
-- Pamela Eakins, Tarot of the Spirit "Strength"
I think today I find myself questioning and not questing the process. That's okay in my book because it has helped me to winnow out some bad habits, and give space for some good practice. Working with Weaving Moonlight, I've turned my cycle to the moon and I find that what I create has more of a sense of subtlety, with less concern for the long haul. I am more involved in the present.
There are some thing that have obviously become a whopping waste of time? Social media. I look at times I wrote just to be "online" in comments or status updates as a waste of precious writing time. Games. And this gives me sad puppy eyes because I love games, but it's time sitting in a creative space that I feel guilty for later. Not always, but it niggles. Which by the way is a funny little word for me, the Scandinavian word nigla, which means "be busy with trifles," is just so fitting. Etymology sources have become so much more interesting... And of course the usual distractions I give the stink eye to, television, phone calls, and chat.
Of course I do all the things, these are just the outsiders in the writing process. I have to allow for some of the distractions, life's little pleasures.
"The infinite scorns nothing inferior, he considers to be sacred even the least noble instincts for they are the stimulant necessary for every action."
-- Oswald Wirth, on Strength
What does work is the little altar I've set up next to the books and things.
Note the Dow, also known as Temple Heart, crystal in the front, bottom, right? That one. When I hold it during the work I am filling up with love, which brings me to my word for the year. Choosing a word sets precedent for the frequencies I will be working with and this year the work revolves around pleasure.
Journal notes on the Year of Strength (rawr!) gives me:
- Cooperative power; how we share responsibility and power and so must be accountable in order to be trusted.
- Expanding connections. How to grow working relationships, create, electric connections in the network of living.
- Support is prosperity, and fulfillment.
- Pleasure, art, Venus is a necessary part of the process. If I am not enjoying it, if I am not creating it to add to the depth, beauty, or creative, then why am I doing it? In finding that answer does it take me deeper?
If you are regular with my growing writing you may already understand that when I say pleasure I do not mean "stuff my senses with hedonistic flavor packets of sensation." Nor am I judging pleasure-seeking in this way. I have a wild tableau of friendships, all of whom I love, and although they are all in my heart, they are not, all of them, together in the same head space.
I love the variety show I am a part of.
When I say pleasure I am speaking for me. Good flavor and feeling, yes, but found in the things along the way, and not necessarily for the thing itself.
When I say pleasure for the year I am resonating with Venus, with Eros, with Constance of the Heart space... of "Love-Boy" (wink), and Sevun, my new magickal name of choosing. I speaking from the space I am allowing to generate within me where love is a radiant presence in the skin, inhaled and exhaled, in touch and tone and gaze. It's not easy, but it is vulnerable and that is good because love is not guarded.
I guess it's me trying at deeper mindfulness in my way.
Well. I have healings today, and "rock talk" with a neighbor, and dog walks, and windy skies. I leave with this...
“We develop equanimity by withdrawing our insistence that the moment be different.”
-- Cheri Maples
Scott K Smith
ealer. Intuitive. Artist
© 2015, Scott K Smith. All rights reserved.