Do you remember reading the stand? How about the line, "That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery." (Larry Underwood)? I do. It pops out in my head as a memorable quote and comparable to some of the recent events in my working life. If you haven't been reading that would be the Tower.
Since I've been meditating on the seven of wands for the last week and a half, I've had my own moment to make that stand. Some of you may have caught that Daily on my Twitter account Friday. After a period of meditating and then waiting for the message, the attunement to the Seven of Wands, and a lovely reading with Nancy Stenn, the message was clear.
This is a Journey, yes, a Tarot Journey, annotated with meditation, comparison, and some research. I always compare my observation of the card, the life experience and the written meaning. I like the three sources, including notes form readers. *wink* For instance, Joan Bunning writes:
Some battles are worth fighting, others just cause trouble. If you are involved in a conflict, ask yourself if it's worth the struggle. Is it important? Does it have value? Will the outcome serve you or others? If so, be bold and aggressive. Defend your position. Refuse to yield! If not, then consider letting the conflict go. Be honest with yourself about this. You will be tempted to hold onto your position, especially if you have invested much time and energy into it. Don't let battle lines be drawn unless the war is worth fighting.
(Copyright © 1995-2007 by Joan Bunning)
After I received all of my information about the things that were happening in my daily life, holding it up to the light of what I would like to do it became clear where I need to make a stand. I've ranted a few times about the office. You probably read it. If you know me, you also know that I've probably been on the hedge about a few issues and a few people. But I think that was maybe part of the problem, hesitancy, sitting on the fence. I've tried to hold myself back from most of the arguments and discord but sometimes it's next to impossible without walking out of the door.
Sometimes what we know, what we experience needs re-evaluation. Events can catch up on us, tether our spirits to outmoded models of doing and living and questioned what I had gotten myself into. Did my personal path, ideally, match my thoughts, words, and deeds? Was I living as a steward to my passion? Is it, the work I am helping with, aligned with my healing principles? How did I feel about it?
By Friday night, and some recent conversation, and the reading with Nancy, I realized that I needed to back up. Halt. Reset, and move forward again. I had to do this because the question that really popped was about what I perceived as happening and a sneaking suspicion that I had let my emotions, and the recent events of the moment sway me in a way that wasn't really aligned with how I'd like to live my life. Coming from the place of the Healers Consciousness... well that's not the preferred destination. Agreeing to a little whirlwind of insanity, well that's not really where I'd like to stay. Yet I admit, it happens. It did. I was there.
Hasn't it happened to us all?
This weekend after the reset and week of space the subtle light of truth shines through. No blame. No finger-pointing. No arguments. No distress. I've just had a week of peace as many of the energies I admit I banished (An Harm None!) have taken a strong hold and life feels like it's running smoothly again. I can recall the bigger picture once again and from that wide-angle, seeing the forest through the trees so-to-speak, the larger spirit of my purpose and path is pretty clear.
Here I make my stand. Not on any side, or even some sort of blanket morality. Personally I have to stand up for me so that I can bring what I do to the table. As soon as I stop doing that. As soon as I start allowing the loudest voice to take the lead, or dodging the biggest threat (verbally) I've lost my balance and I personally feel that I've gone the wrong direction. I did, totally without realizing it. Silly me.
I gotta say tho, in and between all of this I give myself a few pats on the back as I stayed focused on my dailies, personally, the purpose of the Journey, and focused on an outcome. A good one, which was my intent, and I'm finding that daily practice of meditation and affirmation my personal lights has been totally beneficial. Regardless of the long storm that's had me seeing things from a stormy perspective, I was able to reset. Often, just not completely. Enough to say, "Hey Scott. He or she is being pretty dam negative. Back up." or "That wasn't really right, so I should say something." Boundary lines.
Problem is that, the line between professional and personal had been crossed. Ok not personally for, by, or directed at my lovely person, but it is a close environment and so when the office began implode mentally and emotionally some others were caught in the crossfire. Under said shoot outs, you can only duck and run, so to speak.
Anyway, The Stand. Standing up for myself, in myself. Yes? Naturally I did my thing, I've got the Witch-bit if you remember *wink* and there were several moments of banish, bind, forgive, release... I'm pretty good at Binding, Banishing, and Protection, and I don't mind saying it. The important thing is to stand up for myself after I have gotten back to the right perspective, for myself. Looping back up, that was my creative and healthy P.O.V.
That, to me, is important because you can't make a stand if you have lost your principles or your purpose, magickal or otherwise. To have a little grace and gratitude with your conviction is always nice, in fact gratitude or "Thanks Giving" completes the circle of closure, but how can you have any conviction if you have not the belief in your purpose, your Stand?
**I am in a journal mode. I will re-read through this before I post. I hope you are following along**
And what is the conviction? I see that, yes, my purpose was overrun a bit at certain points, but I always came back to course: Healing. Writing. Creating.
I am builder. I am maker. I am healer. I am lover. I am artist. I am weaver. I am Witch.
I can also see the duality to those passions. It cuts both ways doesn't it: Hurting, and destroying. These are also parts of myself, and they are pretty loud voices sometimes. Valid. Necessary. Part of the human existence. Yes. Yes. Yes, HB I hear the Kali in me. :) For me that is a natural destruction as part of natural course of things. I was a part of that Tower, I could see the fire, smoke and flame rising, and as guided I added tinder and fuel to the flame. I watch it burn.
Well. The walls have fallen. The embers are burning low. The smoke has begun to clear. What do I see?
Nothing as was presented to me before. My vision is clear.
As Joan wrote, "Some battles are worth fighting, others just cause trouble. If you are knee deep in conflict, ask yourself if it's worth the struggle. Is it important? Does it have value? Will the outcome serve you or others?".
My retrospective over the last months, with commentary from friends, and a LOT of meditation has taught me a few things.
- Sometimes you have to add to the flames. Sometimes it's better to help a situation burn out because the longer it lasts, the longer it burns, the worse off you are.
- Never let the loudest voice dictate a situation. Always listen to your guide, your inner voice, and definitely step back from all of it to get a bigger picture.
- The only side to choose is my own based on my own principles, personal morals, and passions. Besides if I choose another I either "win" or "lose" and that, is not me, on any level.
- To Mister Larry Underwood, from The Stand, sometimes some "pure human fuckery" is in right order. We live. We learn. We hopefully get better at it. I have found my stable ground. :)
- I should write a book about office drama.
And so, tonight I turn another card.
OH and I am working on a few random pages at Lifencompass so you may see new tabs pop up. Those pages will say "Under construction" as I work on them. Delving into new waters here and learning a bit more about WordPress.
– - – - Be well,
Scott K Smith http://lifencompass.com
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