So it wasn't so long ago that I pulled the Tower on the Tarot Journey. That day as I pulled my daily Tarot card, the Tower. Two inevitable endings that I knew were coming... They are coming. What should have been obvious at the time, came to light in the last week, my time at "the Office" is probably coming to a close and in certain sense I was that fool at the top of the Tower, digging in and thinking, no I will hold onto this, I will protect my place. But time brings change, and changes are coming. No amount of foot stomping or positioning can change that. I can choose my method of exit and so I am choosing the creative means to an end.
Yes I have put together a resume and I have contacted some of my more influential friends in the Downtown LA area, but I think that there is a certain level of gravity that is pulling me back into orbit with my life's work: My creative and spiritual path.
I mentioned once that someone from the office, not of the office, had asked me a question about why I was there. "So I 'Googled' you the other day and I have to ask, what are you doing working here?" ... That question was a wake-up-call to path and purpose.
For well over more than half of my life I have studied with energy healers, Reiki, Magickal paths, meditation, traditional and no traditional ways to be one with nature, my nature, and through that the natural, Magickal world.
I have... "Inspiration" to motivate me. It's as if I am battling up hill internally with the office at this point. For as much as I would like to keep the position I've been at odds on both ends. My friend has been a tremendous support, if a bit of a stickler to "what's to be done" even though what IS to be done is ordered by a completely dilapidated, mentally violent, abusive... Hell I could have gotten him fired 9 times in the last two years and there is no point in continuing to allow him to act in this way and take an exit! He's a real western dragon with his fear tactics and I can't for the life of me see what is the use of holding up the principles of a "good worker" when he really is a difficult person. I'm not coloring in the picture here, this man is just a difficult person to be in charge. He has these 1970's office principles, he's womanizing, bullying, verbally abusive and completely dismissive and yet I have felt dependent on the position to survive these economic times.
OK. OK. I'm on a vent and I want to have you say, "YES HE IS TERRIBLE" but really, even if he is, that's not really what I need and I see that. That's ego baby and it can take the back seat.
In a reading late last month, it was explained that I should be taking "baby steps". It does seem that the pace is a lot faster than a few, barefoot, tiny, even stumbling "baby steps" forward is a bit slower than I'd like. Events are out pacing me and I'm looking forward, and doing my best to not fall into a fight or flight mentality. A strong binding was in there, yes there was, but I don't want to bolt without preparation, or without planning.
I do have responsibility.
All of that said, I'm seeing brighter accents within my current decision to change. I've been given two books to review! Woo hoo!
There is a growing number of readers here at Lifencompass, thank you for your support! And yes, I have (if necessary) options to continue to find work in the Downtown Area through a rather extensive network. I am considering all possibilities, more than all, opening my doors to clients on a full time basis, once again. It's been awhile and for the most part I've been operating via email, the website, through arts and crafts, but only on a part time level.
Internally I can only feel that this IS the direction I must head into.
Bear with me as I transit... And this is the Tower.
At Learning Tarot, we see:
The Tower is an unsettling card. Fire, lightning, falling on jagged rocks - definitely looks like trouble! Card 16 will not be welcomed by those who dislike change. It represents a sudden, dramatic upheaval or reversal in fortune. Usually change is gradual, giving us time to adapt, but sometimes it is quick and explosive. This is the action of the Tower.
In films, the hero sometimes slaps someone who is groggy or babbling. Having tried everything else, he finally resorts to a sharp sting to snap him out of it. Sudden crises are life's way of telling you to wake up. Something's wrong, and you're not responding. Are you too full of pride? Expect a blow to your ego. Are you holding back your anger? Expect the dam to burst. Are you stuck in a rut? Expect a surprise.
How you respond to the Tower's change makes all the difference in how uncomfortable the experience will be. Recognize that the disruption occurred because it was needed. Perhaps embracing the change is too much to ask, but try to find the positive in it. In fact, you may feel tremendous release that you have finally been forced in a new direction. You may have a burst of insight about your situation and reach a new level of understanding about it.
Pamela Eakins writes, in The Tarot of the Spirit companion book:
A series of insights propels you to new awareness; you have outgrown the old structure-physical or mental-you built; you must destroy this structure (or allow for it to crumble) in order to make room for the new structures you need; you may have to sacrifice certain things in order to grow; you may find yourself changing quite a bit; search your heart for answers; we often have to give up before we can gain.
Later in the meditation we read,
As the truth arises, flashes of insight nag at you and summon you to change. Having made certain accomplishments and having acquired a certain depth of understanding, you are now being called to a higher challenge. This higher challenge demands that you break out of old structures. It is time to experience things anew.
As I was writing this post I was also cooking dinner. Tilapia glazed in a soy, honey, balsamic, sesame seed oil, and sambal sauce with corn, and broccoli. Yes. very good. Anyway, we sat down to eat and, watching a show, Brandon said, "I think you should be that..." *pointing at the television psychic* "You have a gift and not everyone has a 'gift'. It's important. You should do that."
Can I tell you how refreshing that is? Not only feeling it, reading it, and experiencing it, but having the validation from the one you love.
Anyway, I've lost a little of my lightening and thunder here on this post. The flash of insight remains and I'm considering many things, above and beyond all, how I can re-integrate my path / practice back into my life; and how I can begin to once again support myself, my life, my relationships and our cute little new edition, Trixie, while doing it.
I'm leaving the safe and stepping out into the unknown, in a sense. It's a known, unknown.
Here's hoping that you are well on your path,
– - – - Scott K Smith
Want to support lifencompass? Subscribe via RSS. Leave a comment, those are always appreciated. Submit something for posting, topics and ideas are welcome.
Or make a donation, that’s always brings a smile.