**(FYI: This is pretty much a journal entry, so no jazz hands on this post. Most of these meditations and the experience to which I am basing the drum line for most of my meditations, e-work and other growth processes rooted in two things: 1. My long, winding road of experience on a mystical path and, 2. A re-dedication to The Path (Magick / Witchcraft) in the last two years. SO, the meditations and other steps along the way are generally/currently referring to my exploration of the universe through the lessons and observations from The Outer Temple of Witchcraft, by Christopher Penczak).** So for the past three weeks I've attempted a journey into the Realm of Water with little to no success. Not that I am succeeding on my part but it seems as if there are those in the life around me who just don't want me to tap into that power/element.
As I recall my fire attunement I met several severe eruptions of energy in the form of aggression, anger and even physical + energetic attacks. All of that was of course related to uses of power, will and passion, ambition. My Will. Divine Will. The Will of others, the spark and spray of fire in the process...
With Water I began at my home altar. I don't have a cup, bowl or basin. How do I not have some representation of the emotional, the dreamy, the loving?
I wasn't very successful. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. I "think too much" because this isn't about thought (Air), it's about love, feeling, flow, tides pushing and pulling; or Water.
Twice I entered the inner temple, gazed in and traveled to that sacred space and twice I pushed back. The mind fumbles with love analyzing and critiquing. Epic fail at that attunement.
I muddled around with this some more. Attunement to the Water Element, according to Christoher is a form of the Grail Quest. The Grail Quest is the quest for love, love of the Goddess, love within finding that wellspring. The fountain.
Again I enter mediation. Wednesday. This time I journey directly to my center, there I find the doors to realms. There I knock and ask for entry into the Realm of Water and I am this time met by a familiar face, one that I loved dearly. The fancy little Goldfish I named Titus who passed some six months ago. I smile. I sense his love now, as I did then. Fish have much bigger spirits than their bodies -as my friend Kaynek would say, most things do- and I ride his back along the currents.
Water pools and pushes, draws and drags, tussles everything in it's all-encompassing cold and dark blanket of moisture where I for moments struggle with a fear of drowning... then breathe as in dreams and become accustomed to the environment.
Shadows of Mer-creatures darting. The cool swish of water as they dart away then, there ahead of me a woman I know. A Goddess. I hear Lakshmi.
Then I yanked back to the present almost instantly as two people unlock and then enter my office. Workers. Ok but I am instantly back in this place so fast I'm a bit out of sorts.
Hi. Hello. Ok. Yes. No. Mmm Hmm.
I didn't get back into meditation.
Today I begin to journal again. Note taking. Following the stream of consciousness and there she is again. Then images, people -yes a woman showing at the Rowan tonight happens to know a lot about Lakshmi- and I ask about her experience.
Faces flashing. Reflections in water. Eyes smiling upon eyes, gazing into my eyes I am taken back to... there! That place and, "BOOM!" a silent opening as my heart shrugs off this up-to-now unseen plate of something and the feeling of love fills me.
In a wash, a wave of sensation sweeps through me -you know this right? Like you're falling in love- and I open.
Tears are still in my eyes. Not sadness. No, more like joy and relief core with a seed of tingling light. Reminds me of a first blush.
That to me is Lakshmi, my Goddess at the Western Gate.
- Lakshmi: The Love Versus the Lack (spiritualallegory.com)
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